wonder and excitement

I just need to explain how cool it was to see our little baby and her / his heart beating this past Wednesday. I had my 1st prenatal appointment w/ Dr. Deb. John was with me. They, at first, wouldn't let him come straight back to the exam room with me, until the Dr. said it was ok. I thought that was really dumb, because he is just as much a part of this as I am. I am carrying the baby, that's true, but it's his baby too and he should have the whole experience as much as possible. So, I was a little annoyed when they wouldn't just let him come back with me. Then I found out it was because at each visit the Dr. has to ask if there is any domestic violence. If the expecting mom says, "no," then dad can come back. This is sad. I understand that it has to be this way because of the fact that some men might actually beat up their wives / girlfriends - and even while those women are pregnant. Because of these a-holes, my husband has to wait behind every Dr. visit, until I tell the Dr. that all is good at home. If only they knew John... not in a million years would he EVER. It's so sad, though, that there are such losers that actually would.
Anyway, this post is supposed to be about wonder and excitement, so I'll get to the positive stuff. At about 2 months of pregnancy, on an internal ultrasound, the baby is able to be seen. For us, there weren't any major details at this point, but it was clear that the baby was hanging out in my uterus, attached to a "yolk sac," which is giving him / her all of his / her nutrients right now. (I can't wait to know the gender in April so I can stop saying "him/her, he/she, etc..."). Anyway, although there were no details (although I think in one of the pictures I might be able to see dark spots where eyes will be) we knew that was our baby. And then Dr. Deb pointed out the baby's heart was beating. "Wow" is an understatement. I had no idea it would feel like that to see that. There is a tiny baby inside me and his / her heart is beating! He / she is growing and developing every day. There is a life inside me. Another separate body, albeit itty bitty. I guess there aren't words to describe how special that is. A person just has to experience it herself to know. I am pretty sure John felt the same way I did.
I wanted to stay on a positive note in this post, but I just HAVE to say this one thing. I am 2 months pregnant. Women have abortions at this stage. They say it's her choice. It's her body. That's what they say. More than ever I know this is a load of crap. The baby inside me is not MY body. He / she has his / her own little body and it is growing in there. He is little and helpless and can't say anything in his defense, but he is alive and is a separate body from me. And his heart is beating. He is a little tiny person - who totally has the right to not be murdered by his mother. I am not one of those extremist people by any means, but on this I will not waiver. People can try to convince themselves that abortion is ok, but it is as clear as anything to me that it is killing a human life and that is NOT ok. I felt strongly about this before, but now... Anyone who believes abortion is OK in ANY circumstance is either ok with killing another human being, sadly misinformed, or sadly lying to him or herself. OK, I'm getting off my soapbox and will try not to get on it again. I've made my point, I think.
So, to end on a happy note, We have an appointment on April 20th to find out the gender of our baby. John didn't want to know, but he is compromising for me because I desperately do want to know. I am so excited for April 20th!!!!!