feeling better

So, the nausea is finally lessening. Thank Goodness! It's been fun and all, but I'm glad it's over. I still get somewhat grossed out when I smell certain things or even think of eating spinach or brussels sprouts. John and I went to the doctor today for my 2nd prenatal appointment. I've gained 3 pounds since the last visit. I guess that is ok. The main reason for this visit was to do an ultrasound so Dr. Deb could measure the baby and get a more specific due date. She said the due date was probably more like 9/11, but she left it as 9/13, as that is a better number. We'll see what happens. I'm kinda hoping for 9/9/09. :o)
Anyway, we saw our baby. We saw his/her hands and feet - and head. And he / she is moving around all on her own! (I'm going to say "she" for the sake of less typing now). It was the coolest thing ever to see. She was wiggling and squirming and turning, all on her own. It was surreal. Dr. Deb said in 2 more months I should be able to feel that wiggling and squirming, but now she's still too small to be able to feel that. She's about 2 inches long from head to rump. Just a little tiny wiggly thing. Aw!
John said he feels like he knows the baby already. He said he'll always remember the 1st time we saw our baby moving around. Our next appointment is April 3rd... Then just a couple weeks later I can start typing he OR she and know I'm typing the right thing. Today was definitely the coolest visit so far. :o)

counting my blessings

I have found that this blog has become a great way for me to vent my frustrations, as there are so many of them lately. However, I know that I am very blessed at this time in my life. I have a wonderful, sweet, loving husband. We are financially OK in this low economic time. Although I'm nauseous a lot of the time and certain foods sound gross to me, at least I have food to eat. I have a sweet little dog who keeps me company - and keeps me on my toes. She's entertaining, fun, and she lays with me when I don't feel good. I live in a beautiful part of the country, and although it rains a lot now, in a few weeks it will most likely stop doing that - and be perfect and sunny all of the time for months. I have fantastic friends here in CA who moved here from Cincinnati too - How lucky was that? I have a great family - who I don't see often enough, but I know they are there whenever I need them. I miss them, but we're only a plane ride away or a phone call. or email. That's a lot to be thankful for. Whenever I am feeling sorry for myself I should try to think of these things... Oh, and - maybe most important of all - I have a baby growing inside me. I have to focus on the light at the end of the tunnel... or birth canal... or whatever.

good morning!

I woke up this morning sure I'd vomit. Luckily the feeling only lasted about 10 minutes and then I was fine. I've felt ok most of the day, which is a big improvement. I hope this continues and I just keep feeling more like myself again. I have a fear that I'm going to lose touch with all my friends and family because I always feel sick and I seldom feel like talking on the phone or going out. I'm sure everyone will understand though, that I'm going through a really hard time, albeit exciting. So, what's been up lately? I'm in the 11th week of the pregnancy. 1.5 more weeks and I'll officially be in the 2nd trimester. One down, 2 to go! I've noticed an enlargement in my belly area just in the last few days. Unfortunately, my belly has been larger than it should be for many years, but I can tell this is different... this is due to the pregnancy. I guess it's my uterus getting bigger because the baby is only like 2 inches tall and wouldn't cause a bulge yet. Haha... the baby is about 2 inches tall probably - I'll bet it's pretty cute at this point. I think "it" even looks like a baby more now, rather than a shrimp or a little alien.
So, I've been having insane dreams lately. Some scary, some plain weird. The weirdest one to date is a breastfeeding dream. I dreams that my boobs didn't produce milk. Instead, I had to mush up some food, in this case bananas, and open up my boob from the side and put the mushed up banana inside my boob. Then the baby would eat the mushed up banana, rather than gettting milk. I then had to take a shower (in the dream) in order to clean the excess banana out of the inside of my boob. In the dream I thought, "wow... if I had known breastfeeding would be like this I would never have done it." Weird, right?
Speaking of boobs, mine continue to get annoyingly bigger and painful. I'm wondering when that is going to stop. I mean, come on, they are big enough! Grrrr...
What else is going on? I'm trying to work out a trip to Cinci from May 14th to the 18th. Why so short? Well... to give John as many PTO days as possible for after the baby is born. He only has 12 days of pto for the rest of this year. If he takes 3 for our may trip, then he'll have 9 for after baby is born... That's not including the fact that we might go to Cinci for Christmas this year. I want my family to meet the baby, and I'm not so sure they will fly here to meet him or her. This way, we can bring her (or him) to them and they can all meet at once. Plus, the whole family will be together for Christmas, which would be nice!
Aside from pregnancy stuff, it's been raining like crazy! It's gloomy everyday. Yesterday there was a small window of sunshine. It was great, but short. Soon, though, it will be sunny daily for months on end. I look forward to that thoroughly. The cloudy gloomy rainy days can get to me after a while, especially combined with waking up after crazy weird dreams, feeling crappy, and kind of lonely a lot of days. I'm just grateful for Bella. I think I'd be too lonely if not for her. She keeps me company. She's an awesome dog.
Friday I'm taking Mary to see Celine Dion in San Jose. I hope I feel good that night. It will be fun.

pure joy

So rarely have I had pure happiness lately. My happiness is always tainted with nausea or fatigue or some other bad feeling. However, I just had pizza and lasagna from Amici's. It was heaven. I wasn't sure if I should order it because we have a limit on how much we are supposed to spend on restaurants each month and we just ate out the day b4 yesterday. However, the choices here were next to nothing. I ordered enough that John could have some for dinner tonight. It was just awesome. I can't tell you how long it's been since a meal made me so happy and I didn't just feel gross after eating it. Since we can't afford amici's all the time, I need to find a wonderful recipe for lasagna. I can also made pizza crust in our breadmaker and make really good pizza. There are so few food lately that sound good to me and this just hit the spot like no other. I suppose it's possible that in a couple days pizza and lasagna might sound gross to me. It happened with Indian food, which a couple days ago was really good.
I can't believe I just wrote a whole entry just on food. Well, it is a big part of my life lately. I'm hungry more often and less food sounds good, so I have to find things that work for me. This worked. Well.

tiredness on scale of 1-10....8

Complaining about complaining

I'm tired of complaining. I tend to do it a lot these days. Partially, it helps me. Partially, I am annoying myself. So, I'm only going to write about positive things in today's blog. First, I can still sleep on my stomach for now. Second, I haven't felt that nauseous today. Third, although it's sad, I don't have to work right now while I'm feeling sick so much of the time. 4th, I'm lucky my parents are closeby. 5th, I'm lucky to have John. 6th, I'm lucky to have Bella. 7th, I'm lucky to have friends here in California. 8th, I am going to have a baby and he / she is gonna be so cute!

pregnant more than once?

I am lying in bed and I can't sleep, even though I'm tired. I think it's because I don't feel that good. I feel nauseous and my stomach hurts and I feel dizzy. The way I feel right now, I wonder if this will be my only pregnancy. I am logically aware that I could feel differently later. But right now I just feel like I absolutely don't want to go through this again. I'm so sick of feeling yucky. I am glad I'm pregnant. I always knew that eventually I'd have a baby and I wouldn't feel like I accomplished what I was here to do if I didn't. However, once I have this baby maybe that will be enough. I don't want to have an only child though - There are many babies who need families so adoption would be a great thing. For a long time I thought I'd be pregnant 2 times. Now, I'm really having doubts about that. I don't know. I want to be able to do this again, but - ugh. So far pregnancy is just not fun. It's fun thinking about the precious prize we'll get at the end of it, but the pregnancy itself sucks!!! I like to think I'm stronger than this, but I feel like I'm falling apart. I guess all I can do is pray I get through this one and then think about later - later. I need God's help on this, because I'm really struggling. And I feel guilty for even feeling this way. I feel like I should love being pregnant. But I don't. I hate it. Because I just feel crappy all of the time. Still, I want this baby. I just have to focus on that I guess.

tips on eating well

The tips below are from babyfit.com. I am posting them here for myself because I don't get nearly enough fruits and veggies and these are good ideas that I don't wanna forget!


Tips and Tricks

• Add fruit to your cereal, oatmeal, waffles or pancakes at breakfast.
• Create your own yogurt flavors with plain yogurt and different combinations of fruit.
• Snack on raw vegetables or fruits instead of chips or pretzels. Keep sugar snap peas, raisins or carrot sticks in your car, your office or your backpack.
• Use chunky salsa instead of thick, creamy snack dips.
• Drink 100% juice instead of addictive coffee, tea, or soda.
• Going out to lunch? Take a trip to the grocery salad bar. Use lots of dark green leaves and other vegetables instead of piling on all of the extras like eggs, bacon, or croutons.
• Add frozen veggies to any pasta dish.
• Keep fruits and vegetables in line of sight. Grapes, oranges, bananas, and apples make a colorful bowl arrangement on the table. If you see them, you will eat them.
• Dried fruit is just as portable as potato chips -- and less messy. Plus, it's an easy way to increase your iron consumption.
• When cooking vegetables, makes 2-3 times more than you need and immediately store the extra away for tomorrow. It will save you time later on when you might not feel up to the task of cooking.
• Dried fruit tastes especially good when added to a basic trail mix.
• Add your own beans and vegetables (tomatoes, spinach, peppers, cabbage) to canned and quick-serve soups. The beans will add protein while the veggies will pack in some extra vitamins.
• If you must have pizza, load on extra veggies and pineapple.
• Try berries, melons or dates for a naturally sweet dessert rather than the usual candy bar, cookie, or ice cream sandwich.
• Frozen fruit and veggies are nearly as healthy as the fresh stuff, and only take minutes to prepare.
• Combine fruit with your main meal courses. Raisins, apples and tangerine slices add sweet, crunchy variety to a salad. Apples complement pork and orange slices are perfect with chicken.

wonder and excitement

I just need to explain how cool it was to see our little baby and her / his heart beating this past Wednesday. I had my 1st prenatal appointment w/ Dr. Deb. John was with me. They, at first, wouldn't let him come straight back to the exam room with me, until the Dr. said it was ok. I thought that was really dumb, because he is just as much a part of this as I am. I am carrying the baby, that's true, but it's his baby too and he should have the whole experience as much as possible. So, I was a little annoyed when they wouldn't just let him come back with me. Then I found out it was because at each visit the Dr. has to ask if there is any domestic violence. If the expecting mom says, "no," then dad can come back. This is sad. I understand that it has to be this way because of the fact that some men might actually beat up their wives / girlfriends - and even while those women are pregnant. Because of these a-holes, my husband has to wait behind every Dr. visit, until I tell the Dr. that all is good at home. If only they knew John... not in a million years would he EVER. It's so sad, though, that there are such losers that actually would.
Anyway, this post is supposed to be about wonder and excitement, so I'll get to the positive stuff. At about 2 months of pregnancy, on an internal ultrasound, the baby is able to be seen. For us, there weren't any major details at this point, but it was clear that the baby was hanging out in my uterus, attached to a "yolk sac," which is giving him / her all of his / her nutrients right now. (I can't wait to know the gender in April so I can stop saying "him/her, he/she, etc..."). Anyway, although there were no details (although I think in one of the pictures I might be able to see dark spots where eyes will be) we knew that was our baby. And then Dr. Deb pointed out the baby's heart was beating. "Wow" is an understatement. I had no idea it would feel like that to see that. There is a tiny baby inside me and his / her heart is beating! He / she is growing and developing every day. There is a life inside me. Another separate body, albeit itty bitty. I guess there aren't words to describe how special that is. A person just has to experience it herself to know. I am pretty sure John felt the same way I did.
I wanted to stay on a positive note in this post, but I just HAVE to say this one thing. I am 2 months pregnant. Women have abortions at this stage. They say it's her choice. It's her body. That's what they say. More than ever I know this is a load of crap. The baby inside me is not MY body. He / she has his / her own little body and it is growing in there. He is little and helpless and can't say anything in his defense, but he is alive and is a separate body from me. And his heart is beating. He is a little tiny person - who totally has the right to not be murdered by his mother. I am not one of those extremist people by any means, but on this I will not waiver. People can try to convince themselves that abortion is ok, but it is as clear as anything to me that it is killing a human life and that is NOT ok. I felt strongly about this before, but now... Anyone who believes abortion is OK in ANY circumstance is either ok with killing another human being, sadly misinformed, or sadly lying to him or herself. OK, I'm getting off my soapbox and will try not to get on it again. I've made my point, I think.
So, to end on a happy note, We have an appointment on April 20th to find out the gender of our baby. John didn't want to know, but he is compromising for me because I desperately do want to know. I am so excited for April 20th!!!!!